Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
