I need to stop coming to work sober
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
