dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
