history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
