My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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