I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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