I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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