I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think my vagina is haunted
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
