I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize