What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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