1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
