He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
