Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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