every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
