worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
