I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
