nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
