How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
