i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
