I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His nipple licking is glorious
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