omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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