I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
