Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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