How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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