i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
