Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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