Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
