You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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