So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I yelled at your uterus for you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
