She's JV to your varsity
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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