3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
