I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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