shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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