So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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