I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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