my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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