I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
