he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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