so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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