Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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