Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
