T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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