But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
