these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
