Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
