Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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