Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
