This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
