i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
