Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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