she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
