I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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