i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
