I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
