You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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