2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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