This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm at about main and main street
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
