jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
