He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why are your pants in the freezer?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
