my mouth tastes like poor choices
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
