it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
