I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
