Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
