Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
