nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
