'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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