lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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