it was like his penis was on wheels.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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