I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
