i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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