Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
