hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
