My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
