I'm eating all of the evidence.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
