Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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