Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize