I feel great
I just peed on a car
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
