I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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