Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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