so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
