im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
