it was like eating out sand paper
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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