I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize