i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
