I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
