Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
