I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
