in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize