It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
