You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
