I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize