hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
