If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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