Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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