how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
