At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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