oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
