I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
