they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
