Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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