He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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