I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
