i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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