When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
