I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
