Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
