I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
