my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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