gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
