remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
